she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
third nipple confirmed
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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