I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
