Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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