I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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