dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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