omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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