I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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