people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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