You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
