Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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