Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
