Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
