its not stalking. its research.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
