I wish I only lived at night.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
