He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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