my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize