not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.