we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.