I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
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I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
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No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I supernannyed him into submission