Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.