Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.