The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize