i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
