So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
