I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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