So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
