So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
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Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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