Jerry, you need to find god
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
