Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
