Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I didn't notice because vodka
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
