kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
