bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
