Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
