Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
