this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
