if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize