so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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