Moan for me like Helen Keller
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
