Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
