A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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