I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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