kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
