Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
