I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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