I'm going to rape someone's good day.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
