i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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