I am midnight drunk by noon
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
