you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
