my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
