A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
