Can i not drive my cunt home
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
