He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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