Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
