found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
