just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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