I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
