just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
