you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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