Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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