oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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