batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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