he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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