i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
This beer is not sobering me up at all
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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