cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
