he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
