can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
