i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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