____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
