I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
