You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
