he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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