i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
