I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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