In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
